Plumber's Song - Russ Abbot

Plumbers, when you spring a leak.
Plumbers, we’ll be there in a week.
Today, only in your dreams.
It’s urgent.
We don’t know what that means.
We’re always.
Always three days late.
(?)
We couldn’t give one, mate.
It’s the weekend.
So we get double rate.
And charge twice our estimate.
We start work
Cursing something (?)
When we nail our fingers to the pipe.
Minutes later, all is doom and gloom,
When you find we’ve flooded you front room.
Abruptly, we decide to quit.
You catch us packing up our kit.
We’re (?)
We haven’t got the bit.
Are we sorry?
We couldn’t give a …. Damn.
So next week, we show up again.
With some halfwit that we’re trying to train.
Provided that it doesn’t rain.
And whether we jetted off to Spain
At ten, we disappear from view.
And do the crossword in the loo.
At two we stop to eat a roll.
Then stroll to sign on the dole
Later when its well gone three.
We’ll be back to drink some tea.
Start work and we do the job
With a washer that must have cost two bob.
Cost two bob!
Our bill, it will make you weep.
No way, no way we are cheap.
We stick you with the VAT.
And worthless is our guarantee.
Guarantee!
Next day it’ll break for sure.
Next day it’ll break for sure.
Next day it’ll break for sure.
Then you call us out for more.
Call us out for more.
Call us out for more.
Dosh, dosh, dosh, dosh.
Dosh, dosh, dosh, dosh.
Dosh, dosh, dosh, dosh.
Dosh, dosh, dosh, dosh.